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Penn
State Pre
Season Weekend
November 10, 2007
With the dark still
hanging over the city, and (some) riders just hanging over, the group
of Penn Cyclists quietly shuffled themselves at 6 in the morning into
unmarked vans under the supervision of a Drexel student who refused to
answer any questions as to where we were going. Several truck
stops and a general store/diner/laundry place/bowling alley/porn shop
later, we arrived at our destination- a nondescript house in a
cul-de-sac in the State College area, with 1400 bikes in the
basement, that a crowd of Indonesian guest workers were silently
polishing.
Despite her use of slave
labor, it at first seemed that our Penn State host was a really sweet
person. That was before she showed us the course that we were to ride,
of course. We followed a group of Penn State riders and Kutztowners
over calm rolling plains until we were all given quite a jolt by the
first hill. High-fiving each other on the way down, we were all
shocked to discover that we were nowhere near the course.
The course, you see,
consisted of one giant loop with three really steep inclines that we
tackled with varying success. Snow surrounded us for considerable
portions of the ride, and temperatures hovered between 30
and 37 Fahrenheit. Shit, this is the weather that stopped Napoleon
and Hitler in Russia, but it wouldn't stop us!
The author of this
article, Mr. 'High Sox' Hilbert, seemed to show better fitness and a
complete lack of nervous system, by riding, true to tradition, solely
in high socks. Lenny 'L'Chaim' Klipper, our jolly Jew of a Captain,
finished the course with frozen, yet happy, smile on his face.
Michelle 'Band-aid' Mighdoll made a valiant effort and yet was forced
to give up solely due to the cold - although her riding had impressed
everyone up to that point. Max 'I'm actually a freshman' Feldman and
Ross 'Southern Comfort' Marklein solidly but silently pushed up
the middle, and Chris 'Come Sail Away' Sulmone pulled up the back with
his hide of deerskin and panda fur. Meanwhile Eric Bowles was
sacrificing speed for chivalry as he nobly rode alongside with
girlfriend Kate, accompanied by thirteen men on camels tossing flowers
at the happy arrangement.
After our host laughed
maniacally at our pain, she made us tea and coffee and we went to the
other house and a mini-bike course that I can now officially tell my
grandkids about. After being decried as bitches, much of our team fell
asleep with textbooks in their laps (except for Max Feldman, as he
huddled in the fetal position on the floor, begging for a warm womb).
The next morning, me,
Lenny, and Michelle, plus Michael 'That Drexel Kid" Coyle joined our
host Rachel on what turned out to be a placid, peaceful, and honestly
fun ride that covered the Crit, the TT, and then some. Even better,
it was devoid of the mad rednecks that shot up the forests around us
the day before.
After parting ways with
Rachel, who made me forget her role in the slave trade with allowances
of milk for my fruit loops, we drove back to Philadelphia, accompanied
by the Doors and John Madden's incredibly unique speech syntax. We
then went our separate ways, into a world that would hardly comprehend
what we had been through.....
David 'High Sox' Hilbert
University of Pennsylvania '09
Penn
State Photos
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