Artem Nurlat, Director
In Soviet Russia, biography writes you! Fortunately, Artem Nurlat is not from Soviet Russia. He missed out on being born during Boris’ reign by a paltry three years. (Why couldn’t his parents have "met" sooner?) Instead of being part of the last Soviet generation, he ended up being born in Tashkent, Uzbekistan. Yeah, the place Borat made fun of. His parents obtained a visa to immigrate to the United States, and Artem allowed them to take him along. For thirteen years he lived in Massachusetts, and on the thirteenth day of the thirteenth month of the year he received his acceptance letter to the University of Pennsylvania. He currently resides somewhere in Philadelphia, and aspires to become a mad scientist.
His interests include acting (poorly), dancing (poorly), singing (poorly), laughing, eating, and solving differential equations. He wishes to one day learn French, and move to Europe; whereupon he will become an homme sophistiqué, yelling at pigeons and sipping a cappuccino while regretting his life decisions.
Jake Levitt, Assistant Director
On April 24th the year of our Lord 1995 Jake Levitt was born. Affectionately known by friends and family as J-Love for his striking physical resemblance to J –Lo (Jennifer Lopez), he was born in the back of a Winona High-Wheeled Wagon while his family forged West into the previously undiscovered land of Western Massachusetts. After forging west past the bare, lifeless wasteland that is Worcester, the Levitt family arrived on an undeveloped plot of land along the Connecticut River and decided to name it Northampton after Kanye West’s, soon to be born, heir apparent North West. Since an early age Jake pledged his life to Ultimate Frisbee, Improv Comedy and mediocre academic achievement. His dedication to these (and a full scholarship for Ultimate Frisbee) landed him a spot at the University of Pennsylvania and subsequently in Without a Net.
Carissa Redfield, Producer
As a new member of the cat enthusiast club, Carissa is thrilled…What? An improv group?…Why would you need a net in the first place?…Oh well, I can dig it. All right. As a lover of laughter and generally making stuff up, Carissa is excited to be a new addition to Penn’s finest comedy group. When she’s not laughing at how funny she is, Carissa enjoys the hobbies of a 70-year-old woman (part of growing up in Carmel, California, a town of old people and dogs). So yes, she does enjoy knitting, misplacing her glasses, driving as though she shouldn’t have a license, reminiscing about times she really can’t remember, and discussing l’essence de la vie with felines. She also has a thing for languages, Cheez-Its, and logic puzzles, and will probably be pursuing careers in any or all of those three fields.
Jonathan Serota, Social Chair
Four score and seven years ago (1996?) Mrs. Serota brought forth on this continent and the northern part of Long Island, a new child, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that no sandwich should go uneaten. Jonathan "Winston Churchill" Serota is his name and all the things you have heard about him are true. Born and raised in New York, Serota epitomizes every Long Islander at Penn. He is the kind of guy that your #grandma wants you to meet, mainly because his personality is that of an 80 year old vaudevillian man. He is not a huge fan of exercise, unless it involves walking from his bed to his fridge. The most pivotal moment of his life was on October 12, 2003, when he first tried French Onion Soup. In his free time he likes cheese and Beyoncé, as well as Presidents. Finally, after his Bar Mitzvah in 2009, Jonathan accepted his manhood and decided to set out to change his name in so his initials would be JFK. Change still pending.
Michaela Reitano, Alumni Chair
Michaela was born and raised in Philadelphia: 215 represent, yo. She entered this world in August of 1996 into a psychotic Italian family, so yes, she usually does eat pasta every day. Sometimes twice a day, depending on the phase of the moon and the direction of the wind. If her plan to become the editor of The New York Times doesn't pan out, her dream is to one day be voted off first on America's Next Top Model. However, the only job she's managed to get as of yet was the one given to her by her parents, working in a gelato shop and dealing with difficult people. So until she finds herself on the path to fame and burning glory, she's perfectly content living her broke college life with an old British novel in one hand and a Toaster Strudel in the other.
Academy Award Watcher Tyler Burke was born in 1995 in that city they call Los Angeles as the second of three boys. He emerged from the womb ready to wreak his vengeance on the world. However, after learning that the world had not yet wronged him, Tyler decided vengeance was not really necessary. Since birth, he has done many things, including going to UPenn and other things of that nature. Growing up in California, Tyler was exposed at an early age to both the magic of the entertainment business as well as many harmful pollutants. On any given day, Tyler can be seen around campus taking part in various shenanigans like forgetting to do homework, dancing while ironing clothing, making friends, making frenemies, and doing what is asked of him. In his free time, Tyler likes to be a really “chill” “dude” that’s really “cool” and “good at talking to girls,” although his likes are often replaced by the reality of the vast collection of good shows that are on Netflix. He cannot play the piano, but can play dead. Tyler camps sometimes. Of all 50, Tyler’s favorite shade of grey is black. His dream is to become a child television star turned short lived pop singer turned contestant on a celebrity game show. His nightmare is to become anything else in life.
Sofia Demopolos woke up one morning in a suburban Pennsylvania slum with total amnesia. All she had in her possession were the clothes she was wearing, some half-eaten string cheese in her back pocket, and a Penn ID. From these items she pieced together that she was A. Not a nudist, B. A connoisseur of the finer things, and C. Waitlisted by Princeton. Other than these facts, she has no idea where she came from or what happened before August 22, 2014. She suffers from sporadic flashbacks which reveal tantalizing glimpses of her former life, but she hardly feels motivated enough to investigate the images. She fills the void of her missing childhood with ungodly amounts of bad coffee.
Luke Clements has often been described as "ludicrously lucky." He has never drawn a "go directly to jail" card while playing monopoly. Despite never studying, Luke has never failed a multiple choice quiz. Once Luke was in the process of being mugged when his assailant suddenly recalled he had left the gas on at home and quickly rushed away. Luke was once struck by lightning and instead of injuring him, it recharged his phone. Through a bizarre and statistically improbable series of events, Luke has been mistakenly included in Forbes' "30 Under 30" list for three years running. Frequently, Luke gets dressed in the dark and has yet to wear a mismatched set of clothes. The hundreds of failed attempts on his life continue to consistently baffle life insurance actuaries. As one would expect, Luke Clements has a lifetime ban from coming withing 500 yards of the city limits of Las Vegas, Nevada.
Are you sure you want to adopt a Carson? I know he'll look cute with a bow around his neck under the Christmas tree, but I don't want to have to send him to the pound if you can't take care of him. Carsons are a lot of work. They're a special breed, from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, and they're used to hiking and enjoying the woods. For fun and exercise, you'll have to take him out for a walk, or you'll have to play tennis with him (Carsons really like tennis). You'll have to groom him, feed him the Italian food that he loves, let him pursue photography, and listen to him talk about The Lord of the Rings and Star Wars. Sometimes, he'll probably want to talk about his major in Modern Middle Eastern Studies, too, or maybe just about politics in general. So, you sure you want a Carson? Maybe we should just get a corgi instead.
Some say it was science gone awry. Some say it was an act of God. Still others say it's a product of mankind's foulest intentions. Like some sort of heinous meatloaf, Charlie was assembled from the scraps of flesh humanity had discarded. Two soft lips. Tendrils of soft hair. A few soft bones. With a few thousand volts and a soak in primordial ooze, Charlie arose. It was man's greatest achievement and gravest mistake. With time, Charlie learned to speak. He danced. He sang haunting melodies. He composed soul-rending sonnets. He would cry when he realized he had killed a puppy or small child in one of his rampages. Have you ever known a monster to shed tears of guilt? Today, Charlie performs improv comedy at the University of Pennsylvania as a gleaming lighthouse amid the black waters, a permanent symbol and unyielding reminder of what happens when man opens Pandora's box.