As a new member of the cat enthusiast club, Carissa is thrilled…What? An improv group?…Why would you need a net in the first place?…Oh well, I can dig it. All right. As a lover of laughter and generally making stuff up, Carissa is excited to be a new addition to Penn’s finest comedy group. When she’s not laughing at how funny she is, Carissa enjoys the hobbies of a 70-year-old woman (part of growing up in Carmel, California, a town of old people and dogs). So yes, she does enjoy knitting, misplacing her glasses, driving as though she shouldn’t have a license, reminiscing about times she really can’t remember, and discussing l’essence de la vie with felines. She also has a thing for languages, Cheez-Its, and logic puzzles, and will probably be pursuing careers in any or all of those three fields.
Four score and seven years ago (1996?) Mrs. Serota brought forth on this continent and the northern part of Long Island, a new child, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that no sandwich should go uneaten. Jonathan "Winston Churchill" Serota is his name and all the things you have heard about him are true. Born and raised in New York, Serota epitomizes every Long Islander at Penn. He is the kind of guy that your #grandma wants you to meet, mainly because his personality is that of an 80 year old vaudevillian man. He is not a huge fan of exercise, unless it involves walking from his bed to his fridge. The most pivotal moment of his life was on October 12, 2003, when he first tried French Onion Soup. In his free time he likes cheese and Beyoncé, as well as Presidents. Finally, after his Bar Mitzvah in 2009, Jonathan accepted his manhood and decided to set out to change his name in so his initials would be JFK. Change still pending.
Michaela Reitano, Director
Michaela was born and raised in Philadelphia: 215 represent, yo. She entered this world in August of 1996 into a psychotic Italian family, so yes, she usually does eat pasta every day. Sometimes twice a day, depending on the phase of the moon and the direction of the wind. If her plan to become the editor of The New York Times doesn't pan out, her dream is to one day be voted off first on America's Next Top Model. However, the only job she's managed to get as of yet was the one given to her by her parents, working in a gelato shop and dealing with difficult people. So until she finds herself on the path to fame and burning glory, she's perfectly content living her broke college life with an old British novel in one hand and a Toaster Strudel in the other.
Luke Clements, Assistant Director
Luke Clements has often been described as "ludicrously lucky." He has never drawn a "go directly to jail" card while playing monopoly. Despite never studying, Luke has never failed a multiple choice quiz. Once Luke was in the process of being mugged when his assailant suddenly recalled he had left the gas on at home and quickly rushed away. Luke was once struck by lightning and instead of injuring him, it recharged his phone. Through a bizarre and statistically improbable series of events, Luke has been mistakenly included in Forbes' "30 Under 30" list for three years running. Frequently, Luke gets dressed in the dark and has yet to wear a mismatched set of clothes. The hundreds of failed attempts on his life continue to consistently baffle life insurance actuaries. As one would expect, Luke Clements has a lifetime ban from coming withing 500 yards of the city limits of Las Vegas, Nevada.
Carson Kahoe, Producer
Are you sure you want to adopt a Carson? I know he'll look cute with a bow around his neck under the Christmas tree, but I don't want to have to send him to the pound if you can't take care of him. Carsons are a lot of work. They're a special breed, from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, and they're used to hiking and enjoying the woods. For fun and exercise, you'll have to take him out for a walk, or you'll have to play tennis with him (Carsons really like tennis). You'll have to groom him, feed him the Italian food that he loves, let him pursue photography, and listen to him talk about The Lord of the Rings and Star Wars. Sometimes, he'll probably want to talk about his major in Modern Middle Eastern Studies, too, or maybe just about politics in general. So, you sure you want a Carson? Maybe we should just get a corgi instead.
Charlie Sosnick, Social Chair
Some say it was science gone awry. Some say it was an act of God. Still others say it's a product of mankind's foulest intentions. Like some sort of heinous meatloaf, Charlie was assembled from the scraps of flesh humanity had discarded. Two soft lips. Tendrils of soft hair. A few soft bones. With a few thousand volts and a soak in primordial ooze, Charlie arose. It was man's greatest achievement and gravest mistake. With time, Charlie learned to speak. He danced. He sang haunting melodies. He composed soul-rending sonnets. He would cry when he realized he had killed a puppy or small child in one of his rampages. Have you ever known a monster to shed tears of guilt? Today, Charlie performs improv comedy at the University of Pennsylvania as a gleaming lighthouse amid the black waters, a permanent symbol and unyielding reminder of what happens when man opens Pandora's box.
Alyssa Mule, Communications Chair
Alyssa Mulé was born under the creepiest star sign in existence (Scorpio, with descriptive qualities such as 'passionate,' 'assertive,' and 'stubborn'), so if you take issue with Harry Potter, Hamlet, or Game of Thrones-Alyssa's obsessions of choice-watch out. Just kidding. Or is it a joke? Scorpios are known to be mysterious, so who knows, really. Alyssa Leigh Mulé is probably the only person on Earth with that name, as couples with a Sicilian surname rarely give their firstborn child a totally random first name and a middle name that evokes imagery of the Old South (half of Alyssa's family is from South Carolina). She grew up in Connecticut.but then her family moved to Atlanta, GA, where she graduated high school...but then they moved back to Connecticut.so both her body temperature and proclivity for chicken-and-waffles are extremely confused. Her life dream is to travel back in time and be one of the Medici men who doesn't get stabbed, and her dream home is a castle in the English countryside, but since she wants to go into creative writing and academia, she'll probably end up living in her parents' basement for the rest of her life-pardon me, 'during this transition period.'
Brent Weisberg, PAC/SAC Rep
Commonly referred to by his birth-name, SharkB8, Brent Danger Weisberg is a simple man with a simple dream. Whatever that dream may be remains a mystery. Until the world-at-large finds out, here are a few facts about our mystery-man: Brent misplaced his bellybutton in 2008. He recovered it in 2011 during a tragic corn chip accident. Brent once skipped a rock across the Mississippi but never received credit for it because it skipped all the way back. Brent has a firm handshake. Brent won his middle school's spelling bee only to lose in the first round of regionals on the word "tutelage," whatever the that means. Nowadays, Brent resides in West Philadelphia. His major interests include political pseudoscience, ghost punting, sheer sheeping, shag carpet staircases, and bleeding-edge memes. This just in: his dream is to one day start a fire in the bathtub of every home in America. Until then, he studies to be something useful like a firetruck or a space cowboy.
Hughes can't help himself. He loves treats! Gotta treat? He'll find it somewhere, so keep that business LOCKED UP. When he's hungry, Hughes loses himself to a whole basket of vices and wrongdoing. You guessed it. Keep your house LOCKED UP. Hailing from Kansas City, Missouri, he's kind of close to where Harry Truman happened and really likes to talk about it. Bring it up to him in any context. He's not picky. Nowadays, he's performing comedy with Without a Net at the University of Pennsylvania, where he rests among a host of funny people. Come see them perform, and do your best to avoid Hughes' hungry gaze. Good luck!
In West Philadelphia, born and raised. Ellie is from Scottsdale, Arizona. So, yes: she is cold in 65 degrees. She was named Ellie because her parents wanted a name that clearly wasn't short for something like Ellie, which is usually short for Elizabeth, Eleanor, Ellen, Eliza, or Ellianna. She is the type of person who gives a speech at her high-school graduation describing the toxicity of saying "the type of person who..." When she is not making references to Rupaul's Drag Race, she is probably pondering life's most pressing questions including but not limited to: "Why don't more people say 'including but not limited to?'" Recently, she learned Sarah Palin's most famous quote, "I can see Russia from my house!" actually came from Tina Fey, and Ellie has not been the same since. Ellie is a super passionate person, in fact, her therapist says she's a little too passionate. She gets weirdly excited about linguistics, so after college, she cannot wait to have to live out of her parents' house with her cat/best friend, Sharon. She is ecstatic to be a part of Without A Net here at Not Penn State UniversityT.
Sabrina de Brito
Sabrina de Brito risks it all for comedy. When she's been laughing too long, her cheeks rise to 105 degrees and her head swells, leaving her with chronic laughter-induced headaches. Nonetheless, nothing makes her happier than acting like a fool to make those around her smile. She has three younger siblings, including a 4 YO obsessed with Spider-Man, she's scuba certified, and she's gotten a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. What grade in middle school did this occur? She'll never tell. She's not allergic to anything and proud of it. She didn't use to like tomatoes and goat cheese, but ever since working at Trader Joe's, she has learned to love them. Her favorite animal is a wolf, and she's afraid to go into haunted houses. But don't cross her, because, yeah, she's also a teenage witch...*waves wand and disappears into the night*