1987 Season
CORNELL SHOW 9/19/87
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Franklin Field. The Penn Band offers a special welcome to the class of 1991 insures them that things are rarely as bad as they seem here at the Universioty of Pennsylvania. For example Drop/Add lines may be long, but most people get the classes they want. For instance, the top line may represent the people ahead of you on a Drop/Add line. The bottom line would represent the people who will actually get the class. The lines are, of course, the same length, but the arrows make one look longer than.
Band forms: (The above) plays: What a Fool BelivesThis year's fraternity rush should be a lot of fun. Some people might be worried, but we're sure rush will be just as much fun without alcohol.
Band forms: RUSH - RU/21 ? plays:This year's freshman class is bigger and better than ever - well bigger anyway. There really is enough housing for all of our new students; Residential Living solved the problem by putting freshmen in Grad Towers. Thank goodness they didn't ask Wilson Goode, the mayor of Philadelphia, to solve the problem.
Band forms: MOVE IN - MOVE ("IN" explodes) plays: La BambaIf you'e a freshman don't worry, you have four years to figure it all out. You can start by figuring out how to swing your arms. Please rise for the Red and Blue.
Band forms: 1991 plays: Red and BlueBucknell Sept 26 1987
Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the sprawling metropolis of Lewisburg, Pennnsylvania; home of the Bucknell bisons. The Penn Band would like to ask the age old musical question, do you still feel "Like a Virgin?" For those of you left sitting in your dorm rooms on Saturday nights while the rest of Lewisburg is crawling with activity the Penn Band would like to offer some simple suggestions for your social problems.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Lewisburg, Pennsylvania; home of the Bucknell bisons. Today the Penn Band would like to take a few moments out of our busy schedule to answer some of our fan mail.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Lewisburg Pennsylvania, home of uh people from Lewisburg. Today before your very eyes the Penn Band will perform the largest group psychoanalysis ever attempted. Please join us in some word association.
We woluld like to begin with things that are American. (Drum beat of the Battle Hymn of the Republic begins under the voice.) Things like baseball, hot dogs, mpm's apple pie, paper shredders, sexy secretaries, Fawn Hall, one's own private foreign policy, covert funds
Band forms: OLLIE Band plays: Battle Hymn of the Republic
Next we would like to discuss colors. White, black, judicial robes, racists, Supreme Court justices, ultra conservatives, unwillingness to uphold judicial precedents, ANTI ABORTION
Band forms: BORK Band plays: Rock a Bye Baby
Now we would like to discuss tings that grow ... flowers, tulips, polyps, deficits, defense spending, Iranscam, cluelessness, septagenerians, grecian formula, well there was more, but I forgot the rest.
Band forms: the above Band plays: Star Wars Theme
What show would be complete without discussing major North East colleges?
Ivy League, Ivy League Champion, Penn, Penn Band, Red and Blue, please rise for the Red and Blue.
Band forms: UP Band plays: Red and BluemColumbia 10 3 1987
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Baker Field, home of a team that means well. Good sports that we are, we looked long and hard for a game simple enough for Columbia to handle.
Band forms: GAMES Band plays: Impossible Dream or With a Little Bit of Luck or Games People Play or ???? (Tic tac toe board made of sheets is formed on the side of the band.)
This is the most even match that has been played on this field in years. Perhaps Columbia can pull this one off. (While text is being read half of the Band forms the letters int he board below.)
remaining Band members form: WIN all play: Mission Impossible (Immediately following song Band forms board below) (Drum roll) It's head to head, Columbia has the deciding move. Band forms: Band yells: "NO, NOT THERE" (Errant letter moves to the following):
Congratulations. Now that you've finally won something we thought you might like to hear what your school song should sound like.
(Band turns to face the Columbia side.) Band plays: Roar Lions Roar
Now back to reality. Please rise for the Red and Blue.
Band forms: Band plays: Red and BlueBrown October 10 1987
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Franklin Field. The Penn Band would like to offer a special welcome to those who make this all possible - the parents. We realize that tuition seems high, but if you divide the cost by the four years we spend here it only costs 6.5 cents per minute, less than a local phone call. For some people the cost is a big worry, but there is always financial assistance.
Band forms: $AID Band plays:
Our parents hope this is the only kind of aid we get at college.
Band forms: AIDS Band plays: Like a Virgin
Parents can be sure that after four years their kids will be apt students and well "red" pupils. By senior year our eyes are permanently red and sore from so many all nighters.
Band forms: (red streamers will be strewn across the eyes) Band plays: Party All the Time
At least when your kids go to Penn you can be sure that they will engineer their futures, nurse their careers, mind their own business, and master the art of science. At other Ivy League schools students wander around "aimylessly" just to end up back on the farm working for peanuts - without a diploma.
Band forms: AMY Band plays: Pomp and Circumstance(towards the end of the song the music fades out as people put down their instruments and wander off the field.)
For all the parents who have paid lots of money to be here with their kids we would like to assure you that a half-time show is an excellent entertainment value. At 6 and a half minutes it only costs 42 cents, and this week we're throwing in the Red and Blue for free. Please rise for the Red and Blue.
Band forms: 1991 Band plays: Red and Blue=-=
Navy October 17, 1987
Ahoy maties, welcome to Franklin Field. The Penn Band would like to offer tribute to the hard working men and women who must face the reality of the battle field daily - the political candidates. So just sit back, relax, and enjoy Biden satire. Joe Biden is one of the most literate candidates in the 1988 race, yes he certainly knows a good campaign speech when he steals one. There may be some confusion about his claims, but the Penn Band understood what he meant when he said that he graduated high in his class.
Band forms: TOP change to POT Band plays: Academic Festival change to High Hopes
Hart's campaign looked like smooth sailing until Donna Rice came and made waves. No more Monkey Business for him. It was either shape up or ship out - but by that time his career was already sunk.
Band forms: change to: (The water will be a visual device made of sheets) Band plays: Rock the Boat
With all the candidates jumping in and pulling out there's always room for more. The Penn Band would like to nominate Jim Bakker. At least we know where his morals lie.
Band forms: HOLY change to HAHN Band plays: Touch Me
This week we'd like to salute famous Annapolis graduates, but unfortunately none come to mind. Please rise for the Red and Blue.
Band forms: 1989 Band plays: Red and Blue=-=-
Yale October 24, 1987
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Yale, home of. Today the Penn Band would like to present Carnal the Insatiable, clairvoyant extraordinaire, master debater and all around nice guy. Carnal has consented to join us today in an attempt to solve some of the mysteries of the universe. These envelopes were kept in hermetically sealed empty beer cans until early this morning, when we let Carnal peak at them. Let us begin with answer number 1.
Band forms: WORSE A very large envelope is torn open (ripping sound effects will come from the press box) and a huge piece of paper is removed.
Carnal: What will be the name of Michael Jackson's next album.
Band plays: Billie Jean
narrator:
That was incredible, a demonstration of the absolutely limitless powers of the human psyche, a truly impressive showing of the old clichŽ ...
Carnal:
Oh shut up, the Band is ready for answer number 2.
Band forms: ORAL
envelope torn with sound effects, paper removed.
Carnal:
Who made 8 million dollars just by giving lip service to the American public.
Band plays: All I Need is a Miracle
narrator:
Carnal haven't I met you before? Have you ever been a TA for Calculus 150?
Carnal:
No, I am sure that we haven't met. Oh, time to do number 3.
Band forms: MEAT
Carnal:
What has the Wall Street journal predicted 25% of the Yale population will continue to eat despite the impending food strike.
Band plays: Weiner song or YMCA
narrator:
Hey, you're not Carnal the Insatiable, you're the Drum Major of the Penn Band.
A selected Band member runs up to Brett to pull the turban off.
Band forms: PENN
third voice: (Brooklyn truck driver accent)
Carnal refused to come to New Haven so I'm just filling in. Question number 4. Would you please rise for the Red and Blue?
Band plays: Red and Blue
Princeton 10-31-1987
Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Franklin Field. Today the Penn Band would like to take a triple witching look at the events of October. We knew we were in for horror when Homecoming and Halloween happened on the same day. First let's welcome back all those MBAs that made such a hit on Wall Street last week. We always thought the stock market was just a lot of bull, but now we realize that its more entertaining than Broadway.
Band forms: a kick line Band plays: New York, New York As the music continues several members fall down, many cymbal crashes
As if one bomb for the month wasn't enough, how about that president of ours. Ronald Reagan decided that he could no longer bear the situation in the Persian Gulf, and came crashing down on Iran with a tremendous pyrotechnic display.
Band forms: BOOM change to OOOH change to AHHH Five Band members will release streamers immediately following "BOOM" Band plays: Liberty Bell March
This month also marks the 90th birthday of the Penn Band. The current members of the Band would like to take a moment to thank all of the alumni who have supported the Band over the years - those who have come out to see us in remote corners of the Eastern seaboard, those who come to see us weekly at Franklin Field, and especially those who were in the program. Happy 90th.
Band forms: 90 A cake is wheeled out onto Franklin Field. A very large tuba player clad in a diaper climbs out of the cake. Helium balloons are released. Noise makers go off, etc. Band plays: Centerfold
Please rise for the Band's 895 half time presentation of the Red and Blue.
Band forms: UP (U and P will overlap) Band plays: Red and Blue=-=
Lafayette 11-7-1987
Ladies and gentlemen, the Penn Band is experiencing operating difficulties, please stand by. Interference noise is made over the PA system.
Do not attempt to adjust your reception. We control the horizontal. All motion on the field becomes horizontal.
We control the vertical. All motion on the field becomes vertical.
We are controlling all of your sensual experiences.
Rod Serling type voice:
Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Lafayette. The Penn Band has led you through a black hole in time. You are experiencing history in the making... The year is 1897. William McKinley is president of the United States. Hitler has just turned 8. Marconi, who had just invented the wireless telegraph, is burned at a witch trial when someone noticed that his name pronounced backwards is inocraM. The ever precocious Penn Band is born and utters its first words.
Band forms: ITS A change to BAND Band plays: Opening phrase to Beethoven's fifth symphony Now we are in the 1940s. Franklin Roosevelt has just had his teeth filled by a Penn dental student. Joe Biden is busy copying someone else's show and tell project. A group of Wharton professors have just announced that the "depression" is just a farce. Penn is the first major institution to realize the impending danger and declares war on a certain eastern island empire. Unfortunately we misunderstood. We had no idea they meant the JAPANESE. Band forms: LI, NY Band plays: Material Girl
Rod Serling:
For you only a few seconds have passed, but moving at the speed of light the Band is now in the early 1970s. Nathaniel Wyeth, future discoverer of the 2 liter plastic soda bottle is preparing to graduate Penn. Ronald Reagan has just received his senior citizen discount card. Rocky I, the last movie in which Sylvester Stallone uses dialogue is about to come out. Enrollment in the Wharton school is up as students realize that love can't buy you money.
Band forms: Band plays: Big Spender
Rod Serling:
We have now arrived at the last stop on our journey through time. The year is 2001. Greer Cheeseman is still here. New methods for balancing the budget predict that the deficit can be eliminated within the millenium. Bork is still trying to convince congress that he would make a good Supreme Court justice. Some things never change. Please rise for the Red and Blue.
Band forms: UP Band plays: Red and Blue
Harvard 11-14-1987
Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Soldier Field, the Garden of Eden of New England - where the streets are lined in gold and the rivers flow with milk and honey. After spending an evening on Harvard's lovely campus we found students to be warm, friendly, down to earth, humble and all around fun guys who love a good party.
Band forms: DUDES change to DUDS Band plays: My Girl Wants to Party All the Time Sheets, which form subtitles, say: THEY'RE LYING
We certainly admire Harvard's fair policies and judicial proceedings. Yes here everyone is equal before the eyes of the law.
Band forms: FAIR change to FOUL Band plays: I Can't Go For That Sheets say: BUT FOOTBALL PLAYERS ARE MORE EQUAL
Harvard students are the creme de la creme and the Harvard Band spends hours and hours of time producing witty shows that look good and sound great. In fact they are often confused with another famous musical group of Boston.
Band forms: POPS change to FLOPS Band plays: Who Can It Be Now Sheets say: ONLY BY THE DEAF
We can't wait to get back to the best school in the Ivies; the school overflowing with applicants, with the best and brightest students, and of course the best Band. Please rise for the Red and Blue.
Band forms: PENN Band plays: Red and Blue Sheets say: THIS IS TRUEDartmouth 11-21-1987
Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the season finale here at Franklin Field. The Penn Band would like to take this opportunity to offer some health and safety tips.
Tip number one: Although college students are often tempted to skip meals good nutrition is important. The Penn Band has determined that fast food restaurants can be hazardous to your health.
Band forms: Band plays: Mack the Knife
Tip number two: Fires are very dangerous. Never play with matches. In case of fires do not use elevators, do not pass go, do not collect $200, do not use water on electrical fires and never, ever use acetone to put a fire out.
Band forms: Band plays: The Heat Is On
Tip number three: Now that Wilson Goode has been reelected as Mayor the safest thing to do is leave the city. We would like to take this opportunity to congratulate those who are getting out - the class of 1988, and especiallythe very demented people who have been in the Band for four years. The Band salutes (names of Band seniors)
Band forms: 198 (seniors form the second 8 as they run through the arch) Band plays: All Right Now
The Penn Band would like to sign off with the first annual, traditional ode to Penn. We had some trouble writing it this year so we asked some other groups around campus for assissance. Here are our top ten favorite submisisons.
From the Engineering School: Pennsylvania Pennsylvania Better here than Transylvania You might call it egomania But we love it here at Transylvania From the cheerleaders: Penn - sylvania Penn - syl - vania Penn - sylvania We love PennFrom President Hackney: We're better than Top Gun We're better than Rocky We always have lots of fun But we're never, ever cocky
From the Wharton School: Money, money, money We love money You might think it's funny But we don't
From the Nursing School: Roses are red Violets are blue Penn is great But we are better
And of course from the Penn Band: Hail Pennsylvania Noble and Strong To thee with loyal hearts We raise our song Swelling to heaven Loud our praises ring Hail Pennsylvania of thee we sing
Oh, sorry, that was the Alma Mater. With these words in mind we would like to remind you that the important thing is not who wins the game, but whose Band is better. Please rise for the Red and Blue.
Band forms:
Band plays: Red and Blue