"This sh*t is Quadramics...Q-U-A-D-ramics." - Gwen Stefani
Emma Kaplan
The Q Liaison
kaplanem@sas.upenn.edu
Emma Nargle Screw-Wench (as in construction screws, you dirty, dirty man/woman/third gender!) Kaplan, famed solver /solutionist (solvent?) of the Quadramic formula—well, formulas aren’t really solved so much as discovered and implemented are they…? Anyway! This person has spent time pondering the greatest ponderables. For example: Why don’t Hogwarts students take language classes? Durmstrangers and Beaux Batoniers seem to have English down. England is not the center of the universe (that position is occupied by Ron Weasley)! And if you’re going to bother to consider English important enough that everyone should bend to its will, have your students take some upper-level English classes! Harry’s a smart guy. It’s not his fault he struggles to write at an 8th grade level (I mean, 12 inches of parchment? You do realize your kids aren’t learning anything except how to write 3-inch tall letters, right?)! Get a tutoring center! Or the aforementioned English classes! Aren’t you (here my use of “you” switches from a plea to Hogwarts to an entreaty to the reader, since I assume real Hogwartians are not among my readers) grateful, for once, that you didn’t get a letter from that awful, magical sinkhole? It’s not like they have any theatre opportunities anyway.